Why ‘Treat Others How You Want to Be Treated’ Is Bad Advice for Managers

Photo courtesy of Brett Jordan on Unsplash

A golden rule of advice that doesn’t work for managers and leadership

We’ve all been taught the Golden Rule: treat others how you want to be treated. It’s a nice principle—based on fairness, kindness, and respect. But in the workplace, especially when you’re leading a team, it doesn’t go far enough.

Because here’s the truth: your team members aren’t you. They don’t have your preferences, communication style, or career goals. They want to be treated in ways that make sense for them, not you.

And that’s where good managers set themselves apart and ignore that advice.

The Problem With a One-Size-Fits-All Approach

Let’s take two employees on your team:

• Your new hire is eager to prove themselves but feels unsure about how things work. They need structured guidance, regular check-ins, and clear expectations

• Your experienced team member has been working with you for three years. They value autonomy and don’t want to be micromanaged. They’d rather you trust them to get on with the work and step in only when needed

If you treat both of these people the same—based on your preferred management style—you risk disengaging one or both of them. The new hire may feel unsupported, while the experienced team member may feel suffocated.

Great Managers Adapt

The best leaders take the time to understand what each team member needs to thrive. That means asking questions like:

• How do you prefer to receive feedback—immediate and direct, or reflective and structured?

• Do you like regular check-ins, or do you prefer more independence?

• What motivates you most—recognition, opportunities for growth, or something else?

By adjusting your management approach to the individual, you create a team culture where people feel seen, valued, and supported in a way that actually works for them.

How to Start Leading This Way

If you’re new to adapting your leadership style, here are three steps to get started:

1. Ask questions. Have open conversations with your team members about their preferences

2. Observe behaviours. Notice how each person responds to feedback, deadlines, and challenges

3. Be flexible. Leadership isn’t about one perfect approach—it’s about continuously adapting to bring out the best in your team

So next time you hear “treat others how you want to be treated,” remember: in leadership, it’s better to treat people how they want to be treated.

Want to learn more about how to build a people-first leadership approach? Let’s talk. Contact me here.